My Ongoing Adventures at Walmart

I went to Walmart today to get some flowers for my girlfriend for mother's day. She is the mother of my daughter, Lindrielle, afterall. So...I get the flowers. I head to the "self checkout" counter. There are 4 people in front of me each with just a few items. "It's a good line", I thought. I must have forgotten about my luck though. If there are 600 people in the store at noon on a Sunday and there are 7 people out of those 600 that have never used the self checkout before and of those 7 there are 4 that have never used any electronic device EVER before, I can guarandamntee you that they are going to be the 4 motherfuckers in front of ME at the Walmart. First, this old man looked through his wallet for a good 3 minutes before finding his credit card. Then, he tried numerous times to swipe his card on the side of the reader. However; the card reading strip is on the top of the machine. Someone finally told him. I would have done it but I was 4 people back. So he finally got that overwith.
Next, this woman had 4 or 5 DVDs or games or whatever she was buying. She swiped the first one. It came up with the thing about needing to prove you're an adult or whatever. Red light came on and had to wait for a manager to come. That took a good 5 minutes because the manager overlooking the self checkouts had 3 other red lights she was attending to first. She finally comes over and clears the notice and the woman places the DVD in her bag. Now get this...cuz I shit you not. The woman proceeds to get the next DVD out of her cart and scans it. Guess what. Adult verification required. Red light again. Another 5 minutes pass before we're helped. The manager finally caught on and stood there while the girl scanned the remainder of her items. Great.
The next girl had a few miscellaneous items. Her total came to 37 dollars and some change. Again I shit you not...she pulls out from her purse a huge wad of 1 dollar bills and proceeds to enter them all into the machine one at a time. OMFG...That took forever. She kept on trying to straighten the edges of them on the counter before putting them in the slot. OMFG...
The next guy was the best. This lady about 50 years or so old. She keeps trying to TALK to the machine! She's like "English" when it asked for language. "ENGLISH!" she yells once. "ENGLISH!!!" she yells twice. By this time people from other counters are looking over at her. I told her she can't talk to the machine. She has to push the screen. She says she doesn't want to push the screen because everyone else has been pushing the screen. She's afraid of germs apparently which is why I think she may have been Martian. I hit the english for her. She thanked me. She got to the part where she had to enter her pin number. She looked around for a bit and I told her she was going to have to do that part herself. She got a bottle of sanitizer out of her purse, squirts some on a tissue and wipes down the pen used for the pad before using it.
This is all true folks. I can't make this shit up. Took me 7 hours waiting in line to get out of there. That's what it seemed like anyway.