I'm a Pretty Nice Guy...Most of the Time
I've never been someone who had an extremely short fuse. Back before high school, if someone tried to pick on me or make fun of me for some reason, sure I would get pissed off. Once in awhile I snapped just like anyone would. Nobody ever got seriously hurt. I was never really in any fights growing up. Little childhood skirmishes, you know. I simply let people who thought they were better than everyone else go about their business. I hated bullies more than anything. I was never bullied myself, but I would see other kids getting bullied and it was the dumbest thing I saw kids do growing up. No point to it really. These kids obviously have issues that they need help dealing with.
As I got older, things would increasingly get on my nerves, though I never really cared to have an opinion about alot of things that just didn't matter to me but seemed to matter to everyone else. I would see people that were so passionate about some issue and I really didn't understand why someone would care so much about something that didn't matter much to me. I realized, after awhile, that usually when someone becomes that way about something, it's because of something that has happened to them or someone they know. For example, someone speaking alot about breast cancer may have lost their wife or mother to it. My own mother had breast cancer so I know it's a very serious issue. I've never felt compelled to go out and do public speaking about it though. I guess it's just the way I am. You don't see many people out there trying to raise public awareness about kidney failure or a multitude of other potentially life changeing or fatal conditions. You can turn on the TV and watch for an hour and see commercials about breast cancer, skin cancer, and heart disease. Yes we are all well aware of these issues. Move along.
I pretty much lived most of my life very easy going, not getting too upset about anything. Trying to just get by and not bother anyone else and hopefully not get bothered either. Society loves to poke though. Seems like I have a target painted on my back sometimes.
The first time something happened that was the public vs me was when I was a pool monitor at my sister's apartment complex in a Chicago suburb. It was my job to monitor the PH levels of the pool and to make sure the level of chlorine was where it was supposed to be. This one morning, before the pool opened, I was inside doing my tests in the shed where the water filters through and I heard kids outside laughing and carrying on. When I went outside, I realized that the kids had hopped the fence to the pool area and were on their way to jumping in the water. No big deal really. The pool opened in about 5 more minutes anyway and they were just kids. Maybe 12 and 10 years old. They were both black boys. Why is that significant to mention? Read on.
The boys jumped in on the shallow end of the pool where the water is about 3 feet deep. The one boy started jumping around in the water swimming around a bit, having fun. The other boy jumped in and splashed around with his eyes closed so he didn't get water in them or whatever. Suddenly, the boy's mother comes through the gate and sees her son splashing in the water and starts screaming "He's drowning!! He's drowning!!" Keep in mind, the water came up to just above his waist. Hardly drowning. And, the boy was laughing and the boys were yelling back and forth to each other "Imma get ya" and things like that. The boy became confused and scared when he saw his mother was dancing around in a panic. The boy went to the steps in the pool to get out. He was now in water around 1 1/2 feet deep. The boys looked strangely at each other, trying to figure out what the problem was. The boy's mother was screaming at me "Save my boy!" and I'm screaming back at her "There's nothing wrong with him! Look!" But she didn't look at him as he got out of the pool. He was completely out of the pool standing there and his mother was still screaming at me to save her boy. It was insanity taken to the next level. Before I knew it, there were 20 people standing around and this large black woman was going to get her large black husband. He comes out, huffing and puffing and I tried to explain to him what happened. He didn't want to hear anything I had to say and he threatened that he was going to throw me into the pool and try to drown me just like I did his son. I said "what?". The woman had told her husband that I threw her child into the pool on the deep end and kept him from getting out of the pool and did nothing to help him from drowning. So of course, he was pissed. He called the cops and they showed up and asked me about if I'd ever been involved in a hate crime and so forth.
As you can see, this whole ordeal was getting blown up like crazy. Now the cops tell me that one of the white witnesses told them that I told her "I don't save black kids." This, of course, did not happen. The cops asked me why a white woman would make up this story. I told them I had no idea but now that I've had time to think about it, I do have an idea. Racial tension. All these black people were standing around getting pissed off at a white man because they all heard that the white man tried to drown 2 black boys. That "witness" was trying to say "Hey I'm white and I'm trying to help...please don't hurt me." Maybe she was trying to be the black people's hero. I dunno...but she needs to be slapped.
Well, turned out there was another white woman who really was a witness to what happened and she was as shocked as I was when the cops told her the story that was going around. She set the cops right and of course all the black people there started throwing a fit about the white woman making up a story. The cops also found out that I was in no way a lifeguard. I was a PH monitor and that was it. I had no life saving training of any kid and was not under any strict responsibility to attempt to save anyone anymore than anyone else did. Even though that was not an issue, it was the reason they couldn't arrest me or take me in for questions or anything like that. I went home.
I had the next 2 days off from work. I relaxed for awhile. I went down to the pool on the second day to see how things were going with the other pool monitor and she told me I had to leave right away because there was a group of guys looking for me. I looked down the street and there was a group of about 30 black guys, most of them with their shirts off, walking away from the pool. Why were they looking for me, I wonder...yeah right.
Needless to say, in fear of my life, I had to quit the job. I couldn't believe that I had to quit my job and that all these people were teaming up against me for something that never happened. They didn't care...it reminded them of something they saw on the news or in a movie or in a song or whatever and it pissed them off and they wanted to take it all out on me. Great...
The second time it was me against the world was just last year. I was waiting on traffic at an intersection where I had a stop sign. It was from a small street onto one of the busiest streets in town so I had awhile to wait. This old man was coming from the right, walking very slowly taking small shuffle steps. He eventually gets to the curb where he wants to cross the street. I'm pulled out in the street quite a bit so it makes sense that he would walk behind my car, but no. He stops at the curb, I look at him, he looks at me, and he starts walking around the front of my car to cross the street. He gets a little more than half way across the front of my car and then he falls. I immediately pull my emergency brake and get out to see what happened. I didn't know if he tripped or if he was dead or what. I get out and he's sitting on the ground and I ask him if he's ok. He says he is so I take his hand and help him to his feet and across the street the rest of the way. He thanks me and goes about his way. There was another person walking nearby and he told me that there were some cops just down the next block and that I should let them know what happened. I agreed so I got back in my car, drove over to where the cops were, parked, got out and told them what had happened. By this time, the old man could been seen walking (quite hastily now) a good 2 blocks away. Suddenly, came an ambulance looking for the man. Someone obviously had called 911. They had a difficult time finding him until several people ran to catch the old man and turn him around. He didn't appear interested in turning around but they forced him to. He sat in the ambulance and they asked him questions and he said he just fell and he wasn't hurt. He complained of no pain from anything, so they let him go. They let me go too after asking me what happened. No big deal, right? Right...
Until 2 hours later, I get home and there is a message on my phone from a cop telling me that I had to call him back ASAP if I wanted to avoid having my car towed. I'm like WTF? I call him back and he asks me to meet him somewhere. I meet him there and he's asking me why I left a hit and run accident. Again I'm like WTF. I explained to him that I reported to the cops that were there are the scene 2 hours ago and even talked to the ambulance people, all of which was the reason I had been at the scene for a good 25 minutes. Hardly a hit and run. He told me that the story from another witness was different. He didn't even know that I had talked to the other cops. He talked to both of them on his handset and got the story straight. He said he was still going to give me a ticket for "careless driving involving a pedestrian" because the witness said that I had been speeding down the street when I slammed on my breaks and skidded my car and slammed into the old man. The same old man who got up and walked away so fast that someone had to RUN to catch up to him. I found out sometime later the old man was 81 years old. Hardly someone who was going to get up and walk away from being slammed into by a speeding car. Still, I got a ticket. No big deal again. Go to court..tell my story. I'm done. Exactly what happened. I plead not guilty. They said I had to come back to court another day to discuss the issue with a prosecutor. When I got there, it was no prosecutor, it was some secretary or something. She asks me "why would you want to plead not guilty?" I'm like "uhhhh...because nothing happened...so I'm not guilty of anything". She gives me a "uhhh...yeah". And tells me I have to come back to the court house yet AGAIN. The next time I come, I actually talk to someone who appears professional. Nice suit, jackass. Even nicer hair. Those people really need to pay their rookie attornees better. Dude had old ketchup stains on his lapel and his hair hadn't seen a comb for days. He hadn't shaved for even longer. Looked like he had just woken up from a drunken stooper when they called him and reminded him he was supposed to talk to me. So he shows me the police report. Sure enough, there is an "eyewitness account" that I was "going at least 50mph" when I skidded my car into the old man. What a f*$%ing crock. So, faced with inexperienced me, I asked what the plea deal would be. They said 1 point off my license. I decided to take the plea simply because I was tired of missing work so many times. How many more visits to the court before CSI Colorado Springs would be able to figure out this brain buster? After awhile, I'm told I can go see the judge. He asks me if I have anything I want to say about the case. I say no. Then he starts asking me questions about it. I explain to him all that happened and about how the witness clearly made up his story. Of course the judge asked me "Why would an independent eye witness make it up?". I told him he would have to ask the eye witness. Again, having thought about it, I have a pretty good reason. He wanted to be the hero of the day. The one who came to the aid of the old man so everyone around him would think he was the hero and he was great and deserved kudos. It would make him feel good about himself even though he's been working as a discount mechanic at midas for 20 years, going home every once in awhile with the new hooker in town and smoking meth together. That's ok though. Coming to the aid of the old man would make him the hero and all his sins would be forgiven and he would yet again be allowed to enter the gates of heaven...or whatever.
Anyway, turns out the judge actually believed the truth that I had spoken to him and he threw out the fine for the ticket and stated "I can see no crime has been committed. No good deed goes unpunished, they say." I told everyone worrying about me that everything was all good and that justice had been done that day. Hooray for truth, justice and the American way.
Oh but wait...my story isn't over just yet.
A full 6 months later, there is a knock on my door at about 9:30pm. An older gentlemen kindly hands me a folder and says "there are instructions on what to do. You might want to give your insurance company a call". I'm like WTF of course. I open and read it. It's a goddamned summons. That old man was now sueing me for "severe injuries" including head, neck, leg, hip, severe emotional trauma, etc. Can you believe that? He actually got up and walked away from several severe injuries. Walked quite fast, even. Amazing that old man is. Just amazing.
Of course, I'm irate at this point. Absolutely can't believe any of this. All bull$#!1. So I type up a well worded letter and hand it, along with the summons, to the folks at my insurance company. I seriously hope they don't give that old man or his family a dime for any of this. This is truly ridiculous. I'll post about it again as more information comes my way.
So, as you can see, there's another example of people picking on me. Remember, I don't like that. Society? The public? God? Take your pick. Whoever is responsible for it should be made to pay. I just want to get by. I just want to go about my business.
More examples:
My son died. He didn't do anything to deserve that. He was stillborn. Never had a chance to see or do anything and his life was taken away.
My wife left. We broke apart after our son died. God took both of my angels away in one swoop. That alone left me a broken man.
I went to get some custom work done to my car that I was told would take 2 or 3 weeks. It took 4 and a half months and they dicked me around the entire goddamned time and they did such a shitty job, I had to get rid of my car because the body was LITERALLY coming off in chunks on the highway.
I have kidney and heart problems. I eat good, exercise all the time, drink plenty of water. What the hell? I don't drink, don't smoke, what do I do? I'm a goody two shoes. Yet I'm made to pay for the sins of others. I thought there was another person that already did that. You know...back in the day? Like 2000 years ago? Oh you figured out who I was talking about already? Ok I'll move on then.
I want to make everyone pay for everything they have done against me. I did not deserve to be treaty fouly in any of these cases. If I could kill everyone who has ever wronged me and get away with it and have no bad feelings about it, I would. I was and continue to be picked by members of society. An evil society that had been bred and raised on TV that shows constant negative images and makes people feel bad about the world and themselves. No wonder why everyone else is just as pissed off as I am and tries to make everyone else pay for society's sins. Who can blame them really?
I have to poop. Bye.
As I got older, things would increasingly get on my nerves, though I never really cared to have an opinion about alot of things that just didn't matter to me but seemed to matter to everyone else. I would see people that were so passionate about some issue and I really didn't understand why someone would care so much about something that didn't matter much to me. I realized, after awhile, that usually when someone becomes that way about something, it's because of something that has happened to them or someone they know. For example, someone speaking alot about breast cancer may have lost their wife or mother to it. My own mother had breast cancer so I know it's a very serious issue. I've never felt compelled to go out and do public speaking about it though. I guess it's just the way I am. You don't see many people out there trying to raise public awareness about kidney failure or a multitude of other potentially life changeing or fatal conditions. You can turn on the TV and watch for an hour and see commercials about breast cancer, skin cancer, and heart disease. Yes we are all well aware of these issues. Move along.
I pretty much lived most of my life very easy going, not getting too upset about anything. Trying to just get by and not bother anyone else and hopefully not get bothered either. Society loves to poke though. Seems like I have a target painted on my back sometimes.
The first time something happened that was the public vs me was when I was a pool monitor at my sister's apartment complex in a Chicago suburb. It was my job to monitor the PH levels of the pool and to make sure the level of chlorine was where it was supposed to be. This one morning, before the pool opened, I was inside doing my tests in the shed where the water filters through and I heard kids outside laughing and carrying on. When I went outside, I realized that the kids had hopped the fence to the pool area and were on their way to jumping in the water. No big deal really. The pool opened in about 5 more minutes anyway and they were just kids. Maybe 12 and 10 years old. They were both black boys. Why is that significant to mention? Read on.
The boys jumped in on the shallow end of the pool where the water is about 3 feet deep. The one boy started jumping around in the water swimming around a bit, having fun. The other boy jumped in and splashed around with his eyes closed so he didn't get water in them or whatever. Suddenly, the boy's mother comes through the gate and sees her son splashing in the water and starts screaming "He's drowning!! He's drowning!!" Keep in mind, the water came up to just above his waist. Hardly drowning. And, the boy was laughing and the boys were yelling back and forth to each other "Imma get ya" and things like that. The boy became confused and scared when he saw his mother was dancing around in a panic. The boy went to the steps in the pool to get out. He was now in water around 1 1/2 feet deep. The boys looked strangely at each other, trying to figure out what the problem was. The boy's mother was screaming at me "Save my boy!" and I'm screaming back at her "There's nothing wrong with him! Look!" But she didn't look at him as he got out of the pool. He was completely out of the pool standing there and his mother was still screaming at me to save her boy. It was insanity taken to the next level. Before I knew it, there were 20 people standing around and this large black woman was going to get her large black husband. He comes out, huffing and puffing and I tried to explain to him what happened. He didn't want to hear anything I had to say and he threatened that he was going to throw me into the pool and try to drown me just like I did his son. I said "what?". The woman had told her husband that I threw her child into the pool on the deep end and kept him from getting out of the pool and did nothing to help him from drowning. So of course, he was pissed. He called the cops and they showed up and asked me about if I'd ever been involved in a hate crime and so forth.
As you can see, this whole ordeal was getting blown up like crazy. Now the cops tell me that one of the white witnesses told them that I told her "I don't save black kids." This, of course, did not happen. The cops asked me why a white woman would make up this story. I told them I had no idea but now that I've had time to think about it, I do have an idea. Racial tension. All these black people were standing around getting pissed off at a white man because they all heard that the white man tried to drown 2 black boys. That "witness" was trying to say "Hey I'm white and I'm trying to help...please don't hurt me." Maybe she was trying to be the black people's hero. I dunno...but she needs to be slapped.
Well, turned out there was another white woman who really was a witness to what happened and she was as shocked as I was when the cops told her the story that was going around. She set the cops right and of course all the black people there started throwing a fit about the white woman making up a story. The cops also found out that I was in no way a lifeguard. I was a PH monitor and that was it. I had no life saving training of any kid and was not under any strict responsibility to attempt to save anyone anymore than anyone else did. Even though that was not an issue, it was the reason they couldn't arrest me or take me in for questions or anything like that. I went home.
I had the next 2 days off from work. I relaxed for awhile. I went down to the pool on the second day to see how things were going with the other pool monitor and she told me I had to leave right away because there was a group of guys looking for me. I looked down the street and there was a group of about 30 black guys, most of them with their shirts off, walking away from the pool. Why were they looking for me, I wonder...yeah right.
Needless to say, in fear of my life, I had to quit the job. I couldn't believe that I had to quit my job and that all these people were teaming up against me for something that never happened. They didn't care...it reminded them of something they saw on the news or in a movie or in a song or whatever and it pissed them off and they wanted to take it all out on me. Great...
The second time it was me against the world was just last year. I was waiting on traffic at an intersection where I had a stop sign. It was from a small street onto one of the busiest streets in town so I had awhile to wait. This old man was coming from the right, walking very slowly taking small shuffle steps. He eventually gets to the curb where he wants to cross the street. I'm pulled out in the street quite a bit so it makes sense that he would walk behind my car, but no. He stops at the curb, I look at him, he looks at me, and he starts walking around the front of my car to cross the street. He gets a little more than half way across the front of my car and then he falls. I immediately pull my emergency brake and get out to see what happened. I didn't know if he tripped or if he was dead or what. I get out and he's sitting on the ground and I ask him if he's ok. He says he is so I take his hand and help him to his feet and across the street the rest of the way. He thanks me and goes about his way. There was another person walking nearby and he told me that there were some cops just down the next block and that I should let them know what happened. I agreed so I got back in my car, drove over to where the cops were, parked, got out and told them what had happened. By this time, the old man could been seen walking (quite hastily now) a good 2 blocks away. Suddenly, came an ambulance looking for the man. Someone obviously had called 911. They had a difficult time finding him until several people ran to catch the old man and turn him around. He didn't appear interested in turning around but they forced him to. He sat in the ambulance and they asked him questions and he said he just fell and he wasn't hurt. He complained of no pain from anything, so they let him go. They let me go too after asking me what happened. No big deal, right? Right...
Until 2 hours later, I get home and there is a message on my phone from a cop telling me that I had to call him back ASAP if I wanted to avoid having my car towed. I'm like WTF? I call him back and he asks me to meet him somewhere. I meet him there and he's asking me why I left a hit and run accident. Again I'm like WTF. I explained to him that I reported to the cops that were there are the scene 2 hours ago and even talked to the ambulance people, all of which was the reason I had been at the scene for a good 25 minutes. Hardly a hit and run. He told me that the story from another witness was different. He didn't even know that I had talked to the other cops. He talked to both of them on his handset and got the story straight. He said he was still going to give me a ticket for "careless driving involving a pedestrian" because the witness said that I had been speeding down the street when I slammed on my breaks and skidded my car and slammed into the old man. The same old man who got up and walked away so fast that someone had to RUN to catch up to him. I found out sometime later the old man was 81 years old. Hardly someone who was going to get up and walk away from being slammed into by a speeding car. Still, I got a ticket. No big deal again. Go to court..tell my story. I'm done. Exactly what happened. I plead not guilty. They said I had to come back to court another day to discuss the issue with a prosecutor. When I got there, it was no prosecutor, it was some secretary or something. She asks me "why would you want to plead not guilty?" I'm like "uhhhh...because nothing happened...so I'm not guilty of anything". She gives me a "uhhh...yeah". And tells me I have to come back to the court house yet AGAIN. The next time I come, I actually talk to someone who appears professional. Nice suit, jackass. Even nicer hair. Those people really need to pay their rookie attornees better. Dude had old ketchup stains on his lapel and his hair hadn't seen a comb for days. He hadn't shaved for even longer. Looked like he had just woken up from a drunken stooper when they called him and reminded him he was supposed to talk to me. So he shows me the police report. Sure enough, there is an "eyewitness account" that I was "going at least 50mph" when I skidded my car into the old man. What a f*$%ing crock. So, faced with inexperienced me, I asked what the plea deal would be. They said 1 point off my license. I decided to take the plea simply because I was tired of missing work so many times. How many more visits to the court before CSI Colorado Springs would be able to figure out this brain buster? After awhile, I'm told I can go see the judge. He asks me if I have anything I want to say about the case. I say no. Then he starts asking me questions about it. I explain to him all that happened and about how the witness clearly made up his story. Of course the judge asked me "Why would an independent eye witness make it up?". I told him he would have to ask the eye witness. Again, having thought about it, I have a pretty good reason. He wanted to be the hero of the day. The one who came to the aid of the old man so everyone around him would think he was the hero and he was great and deserved kudos. It would make him feel good about himself even though he's been working as a discount mechanic at midas for 20 years, going home every once in awhile with the new hooker in town and smoking meth together. That's ok though. Coming to the aid of the old man would make him the hero and all his sins would be forgiven and he would yet again be allowed to enter the gates of heaven...or whatever.
Anyway, turns out the judge actually believed the truth that I had spoken to him and he threw out the fine for the ticket and stated "I can see no crime has been committed. No good deed goes unpunished, they say." I told everyone worrying about me that everything was all good and that justice had been done that day. Hooray for truth, justice and the American way.
Oh but wait...my story isn't over just yet.
A full 6 months later, there is a knock on my door at about 9:30pm. An older gentlemen kindly hands me a folder and says "there are instructions on what to do. You might want to give your insurance company a call". I'm like WTF of course. I open and read it. It's a goddamned summons. That old man was now sueing me for "severe injuries" including head, neck, leg, hip, severe emotional trauma, etc. Can you believe that? He actually got up and walked away from several severe injuries. Walked quite fast, even. Amazing that old man is. Just amazing.
Of course, I'm irate at this point. Absolutely can't believe any of this. All bull$#!1. So I type up a well worded letter and hand it, along with the summons, to the folks at my insurance company. I seriously hope they don't give that old man or his family a dime for any of this. This is truly ridiculous. I'll post about it again as more information comes my way.
So, as you can see, there's another example of people picking on me. Remember, I don't like that. Society? The public? God? Take your pick. Whoever is responsible for it should be made to pay. I just want to get by. I just want to go about my business.
More examples:
My son died. He didn't do anything to deserve that. He was stillborn. Never had a chance to see or do anything and his life was taken away.
My wife left. We broke apart after our son died. God took both of my angels away in one swoop. That alone left me a broken man.
I went to get some custom work done to my car that I was told would take 2 or 3 weeks. It took 4 and a half months and they dicked me around the entire goddamned time and they did such a shitty job, I had to get rid of my car because the body was LITERALLY coming off in chunks on the highway.
I have kidney and heart problems. I eat good, exercise all the time, drink plenty of water. What the hell? I don't drink, don't smoke, what do I do? I'm a goody two shoes. Yet I'm made to pay for the sins of others. I thought there was another person that already did that. You know...back in the day? Like 2000 years ago? Oh you figured out who I was talking about already? Ok I'll move on then.
I want to make everyone pay for everything they have done against me. I did not deserve to be treaty fouly in any of these cases. If I could kill everyone who has ever wronged me and get away with it and have no bad feelings about it, I would. I was and continue to be picked by members of society. An evil society that had been bred and raised on TV that shows constant negative images and makes people feel bad about the world and themselves. No wonder why everyone else is just as pissed off as I am and tries to make everyone else pay for society's sins. Who can blame them really?
I have to poop. Bye.
posted by Ub3rn00b at 8:26 PM
3 Comments:
JW, you are holding onto a lot of pent up anger and hurt from things that happened in the past. You need to let them go. You can't live your life being angry about the tough breaks you've gotten in the past. You'll never be happy that way. The bad things that have happened to you are bad, terrible things. They are things that no one would wish on you, but you had to live through them anyway. You can't control what happened in the past. You can't change things either. You CAN look at each obstacle in your life as a learning experience. Take the lesson, leave the anger and hurt behind. Live your life from today on. Living in the past never made anyone happy. It's ok to still be in love with Jenny. She was and is an important person in your life. But JW, I hate to see you so angry and willing to throw away the good things that you DO have just because you don't have the one thing you think you can't live without.
People say "time heals all wounds". That's not entirely true. The reason time appears to heal the wounds is because people forget about what happened. They forget the emotions involved, the anger, the hurt, the overall grief and emotional pain that they felt at the time. I talked to an old man once who told me his wife died 20 years ago. He pulled out his wallet and showed me a picture. I told him the picture seemed pretty new to me. He said he just put it in there. I asked him why. He said because he had a hard time remembering her face. By attempting to let go of his negative emotions about her death, he had forgotten about much of her life, he had forgotten the things about her that he loved. I deal with emotions in the ways I see ideal while still maintaining necessary sanity to be able to push through day to day living. Oh...and it's "Jenni" with an "I". :)
Oops, I forgot to finish my post. Ok so anyway:
I don't want to forget John Ethan, no matter how much emotional pain is involved in his memory. Every time I think about him, I know he died and I attach the emotional pain of his death with the emotional pain of losing Jenni in the process, ultimately because of his death. I can't obviously blame John Ethan for losing Jenni, but somehow I tie those things together and I feel that if he hadn't died, we'd still be together. Everything was perfect until that happened. Alot of people to through alot of relationships and some even live their entire lives with someone they tell "I love you" to every day but don't truly feel it the way her and I did.
I have left things I need to leave in the past, but there's no leaving what's important to me in the past. When I think about it today, it's in the present. When I think about John Ethan today, he's in the present and that's the way I like it.
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